you have to choose: penises or morals?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
