Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
