do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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