I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
