I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
