Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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