Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
