ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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