It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
