Where is the hickey?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
