I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
