i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
worst night to have a conscience
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
