the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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