Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
