its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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