The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
