so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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