I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
