I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
