Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
