Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
