it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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