this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Holy sore nipples Batman
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
