why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
