You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
