You just made me feel so damn special
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
