haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
