I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
