and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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