glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
