I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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