what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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