You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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