Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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