Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
