great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
