Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
