SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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