I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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