I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I deserve this hangover.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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