Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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