you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
