Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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