drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
