It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
