I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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