I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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