I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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