I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
