I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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