You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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