Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
