I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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