thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
