I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I love having hate sex.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
