Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
