she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
