youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
