last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
