You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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