i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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