Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
