we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
