i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
