Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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