i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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