he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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