If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no, he came in my armpit
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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