idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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