ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
