your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
