This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
