my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
