My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
