Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
