seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
