The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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