She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
